"Mom, you're bad!"

Should I take offense to the child?
Parenting - it everyday and not a simple work. Of course, to be parents - it is happiness, and most know where the child, smiling, said: «I love you!» And if the mouth of a baby fly different phrases, abrupt, offensive? Why did it happen and how to respond to parents in similar situations?
Julia Vasilkina
Psychologist

«I do not like you!», «You - bad!», «Will go live with Grandma!» - These phrases are likely to have heard many parents from their children. Heart flood insult: how well we are doing everything for him, and he said so! The question arises: why, well why did he say? Is it really does not like? Is it considered bad? Is it wants to live with grandma?

This test, which should be, perhaps, each of the parents. Someone knows how to build a relationship with the child so that these phrases are very rare, but some families are, unfortunately, the usual background of communication. In order to properly cope with such a bad behavior of a child, you should understand why he said these words? Does it something to achieve, or simply «produces steam»? What are the reasons for such behavior?

This behavior often occurs:

after the child is given what he wanted, that is not fulfilled his desire;

after punishment or promise of it;

as a reaction to the really unfair or ill-treatment to the child (single or accumulated);

as a repetition (perhaps Jocular) of those phrases that he had heard from adults;

as a habitual behavior with respect to certain rights, if the closest child, people in conflict with it.
Almost all of these reasons (except the «jokes») can both lead to the child tell you a harsh word, and did not lead to this. «I love you, I do not like» - this is only one way to express resentment or rejection of Rights, along with other ways (offended silence, crying, Kidane toys). But the expression of resentment - is not the only reason for pronouncing the child cruel words.

The child is small, and there is great temptation to think that, in the harsh sentence, he «did not know what the». But in reality it is not. In behavior, even toddlers 2 - 3 years proglyadyvayut clear goals that they want to achieve. What are the main reasons for such behavior and what to do in each case?

When and how
To say «I do not like you!», Should at least be able to say, add the words in phrases and understand their importance. Does it mean that such words can be heard only from the children pereshagnuvshih threshold 3-4 years? Yes, but everything starts even earlier.

Up to 2 years of verbal expression is not, but there are acts of aggression. Until the child is able to act but not speak. If at this age learn to respond to actions such as strikes, causing pain, spitting, bites, etc., then the problem of violent phrases may or may not occur. Much of this behavior - the study of borders and allowed for a clarification of how parents respond to such provocative actions and reactions resentment.

2-3 years. A child learns to speak, quickly accumulating a dictionary and begin to use it. It is generally understood meaning. Already you can hear from him a short but emotional phrases «You're bad!», «Mother-byaka!». At this age, it is immediate emotional reaction to ban adult or repetition ( «improvement» in the speech), the phrase that he hears from the adults. The kid can already join the «Support Group» and pronounce these words in relation to the family member who has a conflict, for example, with his mother.

3,5-5 years. Home manipulative behavior. The child begins to understand that certain actions have a certain reaction (win or sanctions). What has the advantage, is fixed in the behavior. This is the age of unconscious manipulation. All other causes (an expression of grievance without the purpose of exposure to adult membership in the «Support Group») are also saved.

5,5-7 years. The flowering of manipulation. The child begins to use the manipulation of a deliberately and not as «direct». But not all children of this age are manipulated using cruel words. As kids, they can use them simply as a reaction to the insult. Motive «Support Group» also does not lose relevance.

How not to respond to offensive speech Child

Response annoyance. No need to shout at the child and blamed him for what he said. His words - this is just one manifestation of the internal motivation that you need to understand;

Physical aggression. For some parents there is a temptation to plunk a child in the «care» for. Of course, the child may be silent from fear, but only to affirm the correctness of what he said;

Indifference, grandstanding, or real. A child proiznosya «I do not like you!», Wants to show how important it is to him what happened, and your indifference is building a «wall» between you;

Assignments. One of the biggest mistakes that lead to the entrenchment of manipulation - is to allow a child that was banned, only that he did not think that you do not like.